Believe in You Read online

  Katherine

  People usually break up with friends in the worst way possible, which is to just stop talking to your friend, and then it’s over. I know I’ve done that to friends in the past and also had it done to me. Most of us have been through that, and it’s the worst. So many unanswered questions! To me the best way to break up with a friend is to have a frank talk. Talk it out! Sometimes it can actually save your friendship. So talk things out, give them a second chance, and if it doesn’t work, forgive them and move on. You deserve amazing friends! And your ex-friends deserve answers and a chance to move on too. Treat people with respect and kindness. To apply the golden rule to this: break up with your friend how you would want someone to break up with you. Then use your time to invest in building healthy, vibrant, nontoxic relationships. Those are the ones you want to be giving your time and energy to.

  FUN THINGS TO DO WITH YOUR FRIENDS

  Now let’s focus on one of the best parts of friendship: having fun with your friends! It doesn’t have to be fancy or glamorous or wildly exciting; having fun can be simple—even if there is absolutely “nothing to do” where you live. You can make your own fun! All you need is a friend, some down time, and some creativity to get started.

  Lisa

  The thing is, it’s not what you’re doing; it’s who you’re with. That’s not to say you don’t need to do anything fun with your friends; it’s more that you can do pretty much anything with a fun friend and it’ll be a good time. Here are some things I like to do with my friends:

  •run random errands

  •drive down country roads and tell my friend to lean out the window and scream

  •make food

  •walk around my neighborhood discussing the meaning of life

  •go to karaoke and listen to sixty-year-old men attempt to cover CeeLo about ten bpm too slow

  You don’t want your go-to gals to be people who always expect a red carpet or some fabulous activity. Keep people around who are content to chill on the couch, talking about life, or chase a chicken down the street!

  Dani

  Here’s something fun to do with friends: leave random notes on strangers’ cars. I think Christina started this trend in our family. Basically, you write a note (something that’s not creepy or scarring) and leave it on a random person’s car in a parking lot. You could do it at a place like a grocery store, where people won’t be in there for that long, and then sit where you can see their car and watch them read the note! This might sound a little alarming, but it’s honestly really entertaining! Just make sure you’re not creeping anyone out; write a nice note, like a positive or motivational quote.

  Another thing Christina made up is driving to a really good friend’s house along with a couple other friends, and then blasting music right outside their house and dancing in the middle of the street. Next, you send them a Snapchat video of you dancing outside of their house, and if they get it fast enough, they’ll come out and see you. Or they’ll get it later and be really confused as to why you were there . . . (This isn’t something you’d do to someone you’re not really close to, of course.)

  Or have a dance party! Go in your garage, your room—really, anywhere—and blast music. You’ll definitely get some hilarious videos out of it.

  Katherine

  Ideas of what’s fun vary from person to person. Some people are much more chill, and they like to just hang out and do relaxing activities together, such as baking or watching a movie. Some people (like me!) are all about the talking and connection, and all they need is a comfy place to talk for hours. Some people really like to go on spontaneous adventures. It’s all about knowing yourself and your friends!

  Here are some of my ideas:

  Keep a journal together where you write each other letters, and pass it back and forth. I did this with one of my best friends, and it was so much fun! This is especially great if you live far apart from each other.

  Explore your town together. Find a pretty neighborhood and walk and talk. It’s so nice to get some fresh air and exercise while you catch up. Bonus if there’s a cool park you can walk to and swing. One of my best friends and I did this together growing up, and going to that park became one of our favorite memories to look back on.

  Do a home spa, and give each other face masks and do nails. Super fun and relaxing!

  AT-HOME SPA DAY

  Here are some of our favorite homemade recipes for an at-home spa experience with your friends:

  Sugar Scrub

  Mix together equal parts coconut oil and sugar, or honey and sugar. This will exfoliate your skin and also provide amazing nutritional benefits.

  Oatmeal Honey Face Mask

  This is Kath’s personal fave. Just mix plain oats (like you’d use to make oatmeal) and honey together in a bowl, apply to your face, and let it soak in for a few minutes. Honey and oats are both soothing to the skin, so this is especially good for red, irritated, or inflamed skin.

  Having a spa night with friends is one of our favorite ways to spend an evening. You can invite one or several friends over, or even do it with your siblings. Just make sure you have face masks, candles, calming music, and nail polish to make it a fun experience. If you really want to go all out, fill plastic tubs or large bowls with warm water and Epsom salts, and soak your feet before applying body butter. Relaxing!

  Whatever you choose to do with your friends, enjoy your time together, and make lots of memories. Have some adventures. As life goes on, you may have to move away from each other, so enjoy the time you have together while you can! It’s so much fun to get to know all the quirks, likes, dislikes, and amazing gifts of the girls in your life. Those friendships could last for ages and bring so much joy to both your lives.

  JOURNAL

  •What kinds of qualities in a person might be hurtful or toxic, making them not a great candidate for friendship? And what qualities make a good friend?

  •What kinds of things can you do to put yourself out there more and get closer with the kinds of girls you need in your life?

  •When it comes to being a great friend and keeping your friendships healthy, what are your top two areas you feel you need to work on? What are five actions you can take to start being a better friend in these ways?

  PRAY

  God, thank You for giving us the gift of friendship. Show us how to be wise and intentional in making and keeping good friends, and reveal to us any unhealthy patterns in our friendships. We want to enjoy life with the friends You have for us!

  CHAPTER 4

  DATING

  EACH OF US SPENT A lot of energy in our teens wondering what in the ever-loving world was going on with the boys around us. Did they like us? Would they ever notice us? Were we doomed to feel insecurity and confusion about boys forever? If you’re feeling frustrated, know that we all go through it. As crazy as it sounds, relationships with guys and dating can be positive things in your life! If you choose to date (and you don’t have to!), it can be a truly worthwhile growing experience, even if you eventually say goodbye to each other.

  In this chapter, we want to help you avoid the pitfalls and embrace the positives about dating—but foremost, we want you to know your worth, protect your heart, and use your time wisely.

  Lisa

  As a young girl just starting to dip your toe into the dating pool, it can be overwhelming trying to figure out what’s healthy or okay in relationships. It’s easy to think this one magical unicorn person is gonna swoop in and take all your problems away, because that’s how it’s usually portrayed. The movie starts with a lonely girl who just can’t seem to find happiness until—boom—she meets a handsome man and “falls in love” in a week’s time, and now they’re engaged. Wow! His family is rich too?! Oh, he’s a prince from a made-up country—duh! Time to honeymoon on a yacht!

  You catch my drift. It’s unrealistic. So we want to debunk some of the myths you may have learned and give you a clearer view of the other half of the human species.


  Remember—guys aren’t:

  •the deciders for whether we’re likable, beautiful, or worthy of love

  •the magic solution for making us feel wanted or loved

  •fairy-tale princes who will magically fix everything in our lives if we can just find the perfect one

  •frightening/scary/to be avoided altogether

  Guys are:

  •only human, like us: flawed but hilarious and amazing

  •also working through challenges and tough times just like we are (teenage years are hard on them too!)

  •individuals–we don’t need to stereotype them or put them all in one box

  •really good friends, brothers, partners, and teammates in life when we get to know and love them in a healthy way

  WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A GUY

  When we talk about what to look for in a guy, we’re not talking about a long list of traits for the perfect fantasy boyfriend. Dating isn’t a fairy tale, and you aren’t gonna find a perfect Prince Charming. These are real qualities in real good guys—things we’ve come to look for and appreciate. We know we aren’t perfect, and we don’t expect perfection in guys either. But knowing what’s important to you can steer you where you want to go, and away from where you don’t.

  Lauren

  Everyone has different personality preferences for guys. Some girls like shy guys; some like outgoing guys. Some like artistic ones; some like intellectual ones. And sometimes this changes over time. While everyone is going be drawn to different personality types and even specific physical features, there are a lot of things that you should look for no matter what your type is.

  INTEGRITY

  Look for a guy who has strong values and beliefs. Someone who strives to do the right thing. Someone you can count on.

  SIMILAR VALUES

  While it’s true that opposites attract, if you’re not on the same page about big things, such as morals, religion, political views, or views on life in general, it will be hard to have any kind of a deep relationship. You want to be a team.

  EMOTIONAL UNDERSTANDING

  Some guys do not know how to deal with feelings at all, so they have no idea how to understand yours. Look for someone who knows how he feels, knows how to express that, and knows how important your feelings are. You want someone to regularly ask how you feel and be willing to listen and help when you need it.

  HONESTY

  This is so important. Look for someone who can be completely HONEST with you. Someone who will tell you if he is mad at you. If he’s hurt by you, he will say it. If he is confused about anything, he will want to clear it up. If he is busy, he will just tell you he’s busy and not pretend he might be able to hang out when he knows he can’t. If he likes you, he’ll tell you—and if he doesn’t have feelings for you anymore, he will explain himself to you in a gentle, loving way.

  * * *

  Look for someone who can be completely HONEST with you.

  * * *

  Katherine

  To that list I would add:

  CHARACTER

  His character is what makes him who he is. How does he treat others? What is he living for that is greater than himself? Does he struggle with addiction? Is he honest, or is he always caught up in lies? Does he treat you with respect and make you feel like a queen, or is he disrespectful and dismissive? If you can, pay attention to how he treats his mom and his sisters. This is how he will eventually treat you.

  INTEREST

  This may seem obvious, but I’ve known a lot of girls (and been one of those girls) who tend to run after guys who aren’t really that interested in them. In my experience, this just makes you feel insecure and embarrassed. It’s worth it to be lonely sometimes to wait for someone who really puts in the effort to pursue you.

  * * *

  It’s worth it to be lonely sometimes to wait for someone who really puts in the effort to pursue you.

  * * *

  A WARM HEART

  This one is big for me. Because of my history of going for guys who were cold and closed off, I’ve made it a priority to look out for someone who is warm and kind. You will see this in how he treats others. Does he have a natural, genuine smile, speak with kind words, and give gracious compliments to people? Does he go above and beyond as a friend to be considerate and loving to others? Look for the guy who loves to help out and serve.

  A STRONG FAITH

  I know that if I become the center of a guy’s world, it’s only a matter of time before the relationship falls apart. Because I am an imperfect and flawed human, I can never satisfy all of another person’s needs and desires. But if the love of God—the love that is warm, kind, forgiving, compassionate, and lasts forever—is at the center, this relationship will be strong and beautiful.

  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

  1 CORINTHIANS 13:4–7 NIV

  Take a look at this verse from 1 Corinthians. Does the guy you have in mind sound like this? You can even substitute his name to see: for example, “Ryan is patient, Ryan is kind . . .”

  Lisa

  Picturing myself married to someone can snap me out of a dumb situation real fast. If he’s not texting you back now, just imagine how bleak things would be fifteen years from now—ha!

  * * *

  Don’t listen to the people telling you to “let loose while you still can,” because that’s setting you up to form immature habits.

  * * *

  Remember: now is the time to make smart choices and form good habits. Don’t listen to the people telling you to “let loose while you still can,” because that’s setting you up to form immature habits. Your future is not a prison! Start thinking of your future marriage (if that’s what you’re called to) as a happy, fun, awesome place, and start looking for someone who will help you accomplish that.

  Amy

  What I look for in a guy has changed a lot over time. You will hear many girls saying they want someone funny and charming who drives a Ferrari and also can cook and is secretly Superman. I used to ask for perfection, when I am far from it.

  Now I look for a kindhearted, warm guy who knows what he wants (ME! LOL). I also love a man in work boots (I faint), and a man in a truck (I die). I also like guys who are sweet and more introverted. I am a sucker for a handyman too. Can’t help it! But most important, I think it’s key to look for a confident and kind man who is looking for someone just like you.

  GUYS TO AVOID

  While we don’t want to stereotype or oversimplify guys, we have definitely noticed certain patterns taking place over and over again when it comes to red flags. Guys are only human, and they’re going through things just like us. But with many of these “types,” leaving them alone will save you heartache.

  Christina

  THE OVERLY CHARMING GUY WHO SAYS ALL THE PERFECT THINGS

  You’re probably wondering why this is a bad thing. How could a guy being sweet and nice and saying every little thing you want to hear possibly be a warning sign? They are likely saying all the right things because they talk to a million girls all the time and have learned all the most effective things to say.

  This guy is so good at complimenting, and you are loving it. A lot of girls like him, and you can’t believe you “won” the guy lottery. Only, you’re not the only winner. Take a step back and realize that if a guy has incredible game, it’s because he’s been playing way, way too much.

  * * *

  Boys who are sometimes awkward and quirky and give sweet compliments that aren’t over-the-top are where it’s at.

  * * *

  My prediction is that soon enough, he’s walking away for someone new or you’re becoming aware of how many other girls are also “the most beautiful girl” he’s ever se
en. Think about this: he doesn’t even know you yet. So how can he know how great you are? Boys who are sometimes awkward and quirky and give sweet compliments that aren’t over-the-top are where it’s at. Someone who is “perfect” isn’t anywhere near as perfect as he appears.

  Dani

  THE ELUSIVE, NOCTURNAL, HUMAN - TURNED - HORMONE (ENHTH)

  This guy is 100 percent gross. We all know one; he’s the boy who creeps up after midnight and sends you the oh-so-infamous late-night texts. Pay attention to the signals your brain sends you to ABORT MISSION when you get a message from this hormone disguised as a beautiful teenage boy.

  We all say we aren’t gonna fall for his tricks. Every girl laughs it off and pretends that she doesn’t care, but deep down, these boys get to us all. At one point or another, we’ve felt special, even flattered, by the guy who asks us to “hang out” even though we know he isn’t just looking to talk.

  Stay far away. This boy will use you and then forget you exist until he gets bored and needs a girl to make him feel good about himself by responding to his desperate beckoning via late-night text.

  The danger is multiplied when you actually feel something toward this foul beast of the night.

  But don’t fret—there is hope for your poor soul. Use the daylight hours to regain your strength, choose the words to reject his late-night texts, and fight back for the sake of girls around the world who are falling for him.