Believe in You Page 7
THE BOY “NO GIRLS LIKE”
This boy wanders around, whining all day about how many girls reject him. This is offensive to you, because you have a crush on him. He is good-looking and has a good personality, but he just can’t accept the fact that someone actually likes him.
This boy was probably rejected badly years back, maybe even a few times, and has grown comfortable being alone. He doesn’t want to be alone; he is just too scared to get close again after the rejection he experienced.
This guy keeps his distance from the female race by chasing girls who don’t like him, getting rejected, and then purposely ignoring the girls who express interest in him because he wants to be the one to reject them for once.
I know one of these. I even used to have a crush on him, and let me tell you: the number of girls who pass him by because he friend-zoned himself is actually appalling. If you show even a hint of feelings toward this creature, he will spontaneously combust and relentlessly friend-zone you. Let him get himself together, and go live your life.
THE GUY WITH IN-PERSON AMNESIA
Have you ever met a guy who texted you every day, but when you ran into him in person, he acted like you didn’t exist? You might’ve told yourself that he was shy, or nervous, or too busy to say hi, but no. This boy probably has plenty of time and social skills; he’s just too lazy to use them on you.
These boys engage in conversation IRL only when you’re the last “interesting” person to talk to. If anyone he deems cooler than you is around, he will flat-out ignore you. He doesn’t want to be your friend—he just wants someone to text. He wants your occasional compliments, your interest in what he’s saying, and the feeling of somebody being there for him when he is bored in between classes.
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Boys who strictly exist in the cyber world are not to be tolerated.
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These boys who strictly exist in the cyber world are not to be tolerated. When it’s 3:05 a.m. and they’re home alone and dying to send somebody the meme they found on the internet, don’t let that person be you.
Katherine
THE ICE CUBE
Story of my life. I’ve encountered this boy so many times I could write a book on him. Cold boys—that was my type in my teens. I went for those boys who were mysterious, hard to reach, complex, troubled, emotionally icy, and very critical. And I always, always ended up with frostbite. Ouch.
If you like a boy who is an Ice Cube, he’ll start out by showing you his good side.
In the beginning, if he gives you attention, you will feel flattered. Wow. . . This is the boy no girl can get. And he seems interested in me? I must be so special! It will be exciting and intoxicating. If he lets you into his secret world, you’ll feel so honored. You know he doesn’t really let anyone in.
But then he reaches his limit. You will soon feel the change; he’ll stop texting you as much, and when he does text you, he’ll be distant and uninterested. Where he first came on so strong, he will now treat you like you are a nuisance, a burden. You’re just like any other person to him—another person who disappointed him by being anything less than superhuman. This will leave you feeling confused, insecure, upset, and frustrated.
The truth is, this boy isn’t ready for love. He doesn’t know what love is. Maybe one day he will learn, but that day is not today, and you are not the girl to teach him, as bad as you wish you were. Usually he was hurt really bad by someone he looked up to when he was younger, and he decided that because that one important person hurt him, no one can be trusted, so he doesn’t trust anyone. His pain is understandable, but you don’t have to put up with his behavior.
If you like someone like this, or you are trying to get over him, I am so, so sorry. This boy’s coldness has nothing to do with you. Please get far away from him so you don’t become his emotional scratching post. You’re worth sooo much more.
Lauren
THE TAKEN MAN
This boy has a girlfriend, but he talks to you a lot. You are secretly in love with him, and you know he kind of has a thing for you too. Of course, you’re not a home-wrecker, so you don’t necessarily flirt with him, but there are some definite vibes when you guys talk. All I can say is you need to run! Make no mistake: his girlfriend will always come first. You will always be the second choice! You have probably cried many times over him and wondered, Why can’t he see that I am everything he needs, not some annoying chick? Yeah, it stinks. And it will always stink. If he wants to keep stringing you along while also being in a relationship with someone else, you have to let him go.
Not to mention, it’s not okay to come between two other people—even if you think their relationship is horrible. He needs to realize that for himself. Also keep in mind that if he is talking to you so much when he has a girlfriend, then if you were his girlfriend, he would be doing the same thing with someone else. He feels like he needs to have two girls, but he can’t handle just having one. You are not the exception to this. Sorry! Just cut it off now. You might as well do the right thing if you’re gonna be hurt either way.
THE MOOD RING
This boy has a mysterious confidence about him. He doesn’t really show emotion, and he doesn’t really say too much. You can tell there’s a lot under the surface, and you want to figure out what he’s really like. He doesn’t seem to have any major red flags . . . but beware! He will bring you down!
Trying to get close to this guy will seem like a battle. You will be confused because you’ll think, He is a good guy . . . Why am I always so upset about him? Or, I just need to get to know him, but that’s the thing. You will never get to know him, because he will never let you! He will constantly push you away with his moodiness. He might be really personable and super close with his guy friends, but with you, he will always make sure he is a mile away.
You know you’re with a Mood Ring when you are anxious every time you see him because you don’t know if he’s gonna ignore you or be nice today. If this is you, let him know about all the things he does to push you away and how you want to actually be close. If he denies it or gets mad, that’s on him. Let him go, and maybe he’ll grow from it.
Amy
THE FRIENDLY FLIRT
This guy likes to make you feel special. He will text you with emojis. He will try to single you out. He will hug you tighter than is socially acceptable. He will call you, and you will answer. But this will all be under the guise of “just friends.” You may think, I can be his friend for now. One day he will realize how much he likes me.
NO, HE WON’T. He likes to have you like him. He likes to feel you care. He likes to have you waiting in the corner. He likes to make you sad about him. Be warned. This guy will reel you in until you get yourself off of his hook. It’s better to cut your losses and let him go lead another girl on.
The moment you start to move on, he will text you. You just have to stay strong. Set yourself free from him.
THE GUY WHO DOESN’T LIKE YOU
If a guy isn’t getting your number and texting you and calling you to ask you out, he doesn’t wanna go out with you. And that is okay. You two just aren’t a good match, and that is not your fault. You have to cut your losses and move on. You deserve a guy who will take you out and treat you like a princess. If your heart is occupied by a guy who isn’t doing a gosh-dang thing, you will miss out on the awesome guy who will. You deserve the sun and moon and stars. Let a guy give that to you.
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You deserve a guy who will take you out and treat you like a princess.
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TEXTING AND GUYS
If you’ve ever been confused by the cryptic world of texting with guys, you are not alone. How do we handle this strange and confusing form of communication?
Amy
First off, I think texting is lame. It’s confusing. It’s boring. And it is no substitute for human contact. But if you must text, here is my advice: if he wants to text you, he will. You are not gonna lose anything by letting go of
a guy who isn’t putting in any effort. You are just opening up space for someone who will.
Dani
On the other hand, texting can be a great thing too. It opens doors, breaks ice, and is the battleground for teenage relationships. It can turn tragic, however, if you use it wrong. Here are the most important lessons I’ve learned about texting boys.
•Don’t always be the first to text. Especially if you like this guy and want him to like you back. The occasional first text is okay if you’ve been talking for a while, but I’ve found that if a guy is interested, he will go to the ends of the earth to find a way to get in your line of communication. If his phone is broken, he’ll find a computer. If his mom took it away, he’ll steal it back. If nobody paid the phone bill and he can’t text, he’ll find a friend with a working cell phone. So let it happen naturally.
•Don’t keep texting after you haven’t had an answer. Repeat texting automatically puts you in the desperate zone; and trust me, you do not want to be there. If someone doesn’t respond to your text, don’t keep trying to get him to talk to you. Remember that if he wants to talk, he will. And take note of minimal effort on his part.
•Don’t let texting be your only form of communication. It’s not an accurate representation of us as people, and honestly, texting gets boring really fast. Try video chatting, or a phone call, or better yet—hang out with the guy in person! Is a relationship that solely exists through a screen really even a relationship?
•Set limits on yourself. For one, never ever admit feelings for someone by text. You can avoid this by keeping a general rule of not texting boys after 11 p.m. Better yet, 10 p.m. Late at night is when you are tired, not thinking straight, and often feeling vulnerable, and stupid things seem like good ideas. If you’re too scared to say it in person, is it really a good idea to say it at all?
FIRST-DATE ADVICE
So you’ve made a connection with a good guy. You’re ready to spend some quality time together to see where it goes. How do you handle a first date?
Lisa
First dates don’t have to be awkward, but they usually are—at least a little. Get that out of the way and you’ll be fine. Try not to go into it with crazy expectations, and don’t go into it trying to win him over. Yes, you should put your best foot forward, but don’t think of yourself as some lowly worm who has to fight for his attention and desperately plead for a man to love her. Remember: you are the last pickle at the picnic. You are the prize. You deserve to be wowed too. My advice is to try your best to give him a chance, keep your ears open, keep your eyes peeled for red flags as the conversation goes by, and have faith that it’ll work out how it’s supposed to.
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Remember: you are the last pickle at the picnic. You are the prize.
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FIRST-DATE IDEAS
Meeting for coffee might be the very best first date! You are (a) in a public setting, for safety, and (b) coffee isn’t expected to be a long thing, so if it isn’t going well, you only have to stick it out for, like, forty-five minutes. It’s a very chill environment where you can relax and focus on being yourself. If you’re looking for other creative things to do, here are our top picks:
•Go on a bike ride
•Go for a walk
•Take a trip to the park
•See live music or a concert together
•If you live in a city with those rental scooters, go find some and ride around the city
•Try an escape room
•Drive go-carts
•Go bowling
•Get ice cream
•Get breakfast
•Hike, or do something else active/outside
Katherine
I have been on a lot of first dates. It’s such an exciting and nerve-racking experience! Here are my best tips for you.
PREPARE
In the few days leading up to your date, do what you need to do to feel good about yourself, nurture yourself, and reflect so when you go on your date you’ll be as calm, levelheaded, and relaxed as possible. The morning of the date, I’ll pray and ask God to help me be my best self with this person. My go-to prayer: “If this relationship is meant to be, please help it come together in a beautiful way. If not, please let it fall apart gently.”
WHAT TO WEAR?!
Wear what you like, not what you think your date will like on you. It’s about being yourself, not pleasing him! After all, it’s a first date. You still need to figure out if you like him.
Make sure to wear something that goes with whatever you’re doing. If it’s a restaurant, find out if it’s fancy or more casual. If it’s an active date, make sure you have good shoes for it! Overall, wear something that makes you feel comfortable, and be yourself. I like to be modest in general because I feel more comfortable that way. When I’m not constantly tugging on a shirt that’s falling down or a skirt that’s riding up, I feel like I can relax and be myself.
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Wear what you like, not what you think your date will like on you.
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MAKEUP
I like to wear natural, simple makeup, so my date can look at my face and not be distracted by any bright colors or a lot of dark eye makeup. But then again, that’s just my style. If makeup is your thing and you like to be creative, I say go for it! Be yourself.
Lauren
Going into the date, instead of thinking, Does he like me? think, Do I like him? Don’t get caught up in getting him to like you. Ask him real questions about who he is and get to know what his opinions are on things that are important to you. Figure out what he stands for, what he thinks is important in life.
Don’t put too much pressure on it! It’s just one date. You do not owe the guy anything, and you never have to talk to him ever again if you don’t want to.
If you don’t actually like him, don’t lead him on and act like you like him. You can let him down gently if he asks you out again.
But if this is a nice, good person who seems stable and caring, consider giving him another chance. Just because you don’t feel sparks flying yet doesn’t mean you won’t in the future.
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Going into the date, instead of thinking, Does he like me? think, Do I like him?
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Amy
This sounds cliché, but just be yourself. Show your date your personality. You won’t know if your personalities are a good match if you’re not being your true self with him. That’s what dating is about. It’s all about getting to know people and which personality types and qualities fit with you. You are the one deciding if you want to date a guy, and sometimes people just aren’t a good match. It’s not anyone’s fault, and there is nothing wrong with you if your personalities don’t fit.
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It’s not anyone’s fault, and there is nothing wrong with you if your personalities don’t fit.
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Katherine
When I was a teenager, I had it in my head that boys only liked Christina and Lisa, and not me. I felt invisible to boys. It was so frustrating. I thought that boys only liked girls who were sassy and teased them a lot. But that wasn’t my personality. I didn’t feel comfortable being super sassy. I like to be playful when I know someone well, but being sassy right from the start is not my style.
It took me a long time to realize that I am Katherine—more on the sweet side, goofy, quirky, nurturing, soft, sensitive, deep, spiritual, adventurous, a dreamer. I realized I didn’t have to change. If I loved who I truly am, the right kinds of guys would see that and be drawn to it. It’s so much better that way, because there is no better feeling than when someone sees you for who you truly are and loves it. It’s a very healing experience.
BREAKING UP
Not every dating relationship is meant to last forever. How do we know when it’s time to let go? And how do we start that difficult conversation?
Lauren
Relationships are hard, and they definitely require work, but a re
lationship should not be all work! You want to feel safe, respected, comfortable, and happy in your relationship. If you don’t, something needs to change. If someone is making you feel insecure, uncomfortable, unsafe, or if he seems to be making your life worse, that is not good. Get out of there! You shouldn’t be putting all your time and energy into someone who is doing that.
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Relationships are hard, and they definitely require work, but a relationship should not be all work!
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On the other hand, if you find yourself in a relationship where you really care about the person, but you’re not sure if it’s right anymore, these are some things to think about:
•Does he make me feel valued and important?
•Do I feel like I can be myself around him?
•Does he support my goals and help me reach them?
•Is he honest with me when he’s upset?
•When I am honest with him about my feelings, does he respect and value them?
•Do I feel relaxed when I am with him, before I see him, and after I see him?
Basically, you need to ask yourself if he is adding to your life or subtracting from it. And if he is subtracting from it, are these things you can talk to him about and try to fix, or are they just a part of who he is? I think you should always at least try to fix things before you decide to end the relationship. But if you have told him about things that he’s doing that need to change and he doesn’t change them, you have to accept that and let him go.