Believe in You Page 4
This is the one thing in my life that has made the biggest difference. Every morning I read the daily Catholic Scripture readings (you can read whatever works for your faith tradition), write in my prayer journal, and read from a devotional. I can’t stress enough how much this has affected my life!
One day after I had recently recommitted to this practice, I noticed I was feeling much more anxious and negative. Wow! What is so remarkably different with me today? I thought. Then I realized I hadn’t done my morning routine that day!
PRAYER JOURNALING
There is something powerful about writing down prayers. For me, I think it’s because I get so distracted and my mind is pretty jumbled, so writing helps me focus. Try it for a few minutes each morning or night and see if it helps you!
LISTENING TO SONGS ABOUT GOD
As a musician, I know how much music can affect your mood and your outlook. And it can be an important part of your walk with God! I listen to a variety of worship songs, from old Gregorian chant, to traditional Catholic hymns like “O Salutaris Hostia,” to contemporary Christian music. It always uplifts me and brightens my day!
READING SCRIPTURE
Studying the Bible is one of the best ways to get closer to God, simply because it helps you learn about who He is and what His character is like. I love doing Bible studies, and sometimes I’ll randomly think of something, such as, What does the Bible say about angels? or, I wonder what the Gospels say about Jesus’ crucifixion? Then I’ll read the Scriptures, think them through, and ask God to guide me toward whatever truth He wants to reveal.
Lisa
Sometimes you get clogged up. Things get in the way. Life gets crazy, schedules get hectic, and the next thing you know, you haven’t prayed in a week. Some of us haven’t prayed in a month, a year, or at all. Even when life is crazy, though, we can take steps to get our priorities straight.
* * *
You can try taking back control of wasted time by taking yourself on a mini spiritual retreat.
* * *
Think of all the things you do in a day that don’t actually benefit you much. What do you do each day that actually improves your life? You can try taking back control of wasted time by taking yourself on a mini spiritual retreat. Choose a place where you’ll be alone long enough to empty your mind. This is where you find God—in the silence. Find a quiet place and listen to God. Drive somewhere, if you need to, to get away from it all. Pray. Take some time to clear out your head and get in touch with God. List all the things you’re grateful for, and think of all the things you need help with. Sit there and just try to feel thankful that you’re alive.
Do this regularly. Talk to God. Tell Him all the things you’re too scared to talk to other people about. He will listen.
THE POWER OF COMMUNITY
Faith is beautiful when we’re on our own, quietly praying and spending time with God, but it can be so powerful when we meet with others to worship, pray, learn, and come together as a community. Here are some of our experiences of coming together with others and how community has strengthened our faith journeys.
Katherine
When I lived in California, it was very rare to find friends who shared my Catholic faith. I had a couple of friends who were Catholic, and occasionally I went to young adult groups, but they were so far away from my house I rarely went.
When I moved to Nashville, it was the first time I was ever surrounded by a strong community of people who shared my faith, and it was the most amazing experience. My faith shot to a whole new level as I made friends with groups of people who not only loved their faith but lived it out together. Some would host worship nights at their house. Some started Bible studies and small groups. Some of us would attend Adoration together, which is a Catholic form of prayer.
From my experience, having a group of friends who are strong in their faith will change your life and strengthen your faith. I strongly encourage you to do whatever you can to find these people! To this day, they are some of my truest, most inspiring friends.
Amy
Praying with and for other people is one of the most powerful gifts we can give. It’s so important to share our struggles and to lean on each other to lift us up to our Father. That said, it can be kinda awkward to ask others to pray for us. I know I don’t do it nearly as much as I should—and when I do, usually it’s when I’m in deep times of crisis.
Once, when I was going through a medical issue, I was feeling so small and defeated. So I went through my phone book, and I asked everyone I knew to pray for me. I did the same thing when my friend was facing a serious illness. I literally texted and Facebook messaged everyone I knew who believed in God and asked them to pray for her. It was awkward at first, but I truly believe these prayers made a difference, and we felt so supported and loved. I want to be able to share my struggles with my community of friends and know that they will lift me up in prayer. That is what truly builds a community of God.
* * *
I want to be able to share my struggles with my community of friends and know that they will lift me up in prayer.
* * *
Christina
I distinctly remember a time in my life when my romantic relationship with my then boyfriend, now husband, Nick, was greatly suffering. I was living in turmoil and making mistake after mistake, watching our relationship crumble and feeling powerless to fix it. I felt isolated, lonely, ashamed, confused, and frequently pretty miserable about it. At one point, a strong feeling of peace came over me, and I knew in my heart that someone was praying for my relationship. I didn’t quite know how I knew—I just knew. My heart started to change, and I saw my relationship rapidly shift into an incredibly positive place. When I shared this with my sisters, Katherine told me she had been fervently praying for me that entire time! I was shocked and yet not at all surprised because I knew that was what I had been feeling. Prayer makes an incredible difference, especially when we do it in community!
FAITH IN ACTION
You’ve heard that actions speak louder than words. People tend to think of faith as a mental thing. It’s just as important to act out our love for God and for people in the real world.
Katherine
When I think about faith in action, I think about service. Jesus was extremely clear in His teaching that we are called to take care of people, especially the poor and vulnerable. There are so many ways to do this!
You can volunteer at a soup kitchen, organize a food drive, or help out at any nonprofit in your area that serves those in need. Also, don’t forget some of the more “ordinary” situations where you can practice charity in your daily life: for instance, babysitting for free for a family that needs help, or even reaching out to a kid in your class who is isolated and lonely. We are called to be the hands and feet of Christ, which means to treat others with extraordinary love, mercy, and compassion, like He did!
* * *
We are called to be the hands and feet of Christ, which means to treat others with extraordinary love, mercy, and compassion, like He did!
* * *
I started volunteering when I was a kid, and I always loved it. It made me feel purposeful and alive, as if I was doing the most powerful thing with my time. If you feel empty, like your life might be missing something, it could very possibly be service!
Dani
Growing up, I thought the only way you could serve others was by going on a mission trip to Africa and feeding children. While that is a wonderful way to help, not all acts of service are so major. Nowadays, I like to think of little ways I can make the lives around me better, and that is my main way of serving. For example, offering to walk my sister’s new dog when she’s pressed for time, or getting up to get something for a sibling when I really just feel like sitting on the couch. Making little things like this part of your mind-set is a way of serving others. It’s not dramatic, but it can become a way of life. Most of us in this world aren’t millionaires, missionaries, or celebrities. We can’t
really make huge, publicized changes that impact hundreds of people at a time, but we can make a difference to people in our lives bit by bit.
Lisa
I believe that serving other people truly brings meaning to a person’s life. If everything you do is all about what you want and how you can get yourself ahead, you can quickly start to feel like you have no purpose. But we all have a purpose, and it’s generally so much easier to find it when you’re using your time to help someone else.
* * *
We all have a purpose, and it’s generally so much easier to find it when you’re using your time to help someone else.
* * *
JOURNAL
•Who is God to you? Write out your impressions of God and where you think they came from.
•To make prayer a more regular part of your life, consider keeping a prayer list in your prayer journal. Bullet point a few things you are praying for yourself, for others, for the world, and in thankfulness. Then keep track of them over time to see how God answers!
•Plan out a spiritual routine for the week. Plan out a ten- or fifteen-minute routine each day to try a few of the practices we discussed. Stick with it, and journal about what happens.
PRAY
Lord, I want to know You better. Show me how to find You in my days, and guide me as I try out new ways to get to know You. Thank You for Your promise that when I seek You, I’ll find You.
CHAPTER 3
FRIENDSHIP
FINDING TRUE FRIENDSHIPS AND LEARNING how to keep them alive and healthy is one of the most meaningful experiences a person can have. On the flip side, dealing with a toxic or hurtful friend can be one of the most devastating. We have experienced both. We have laughed and cried with our friends, stayed up all night talking, had random glow stick dance parties with our friends, and also been rejected, betrayed, and abandoned by friends we trusted. Friendship can be a roller coaster, and just like dating, sometimes it’s so painful we end up questioning it, asking ourselves, Is it all worth it?
When you haven’t experienced true friendship, it’s easy to hold on to bad friends who drive you deeper into insecurity, gossip, and drama. We wrote this chapter to give you some tools to recognize when you’ve found a great friendship, learn how to be a true friend, and recognize when to let a friendship go. It can be challenging, but in the end, we think you’ll agree—it’s all worth it. True friends are worth the fight.
As sisters, we have six very different, unique personalities. Lauren and Lisa can be more introverted and have struggled with coming out of their shells to meet new people and not isolate themselves out of fear. Katherine and Amy are both more outgoing and naturally make friends, while Christina and Dani are more in the middle with friendships. We have all helped each other out over the years, and we want to share some of the things we’ve learned together along the way.
* * *
True friends are worth the fight.
* * *
WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A FRIEND
We don’t often sit down and really think about what to look for in a friend, do we? Most of us aren’t very intentional about it; we just let it happen naturally. But it’s really important to think about this stuff—because if we don’t know what we are looking for in a friendship, it makes it that much harder to find. Knowing what we don’t want is important too; it sets us up for healthy, fulfilling friendships and helps us avoid pointless drama. So here are our top tips on choosing a friend you can trust.
Lauren
Don’t just look for friends who are cool or fun or funny. That’s nice and all, but when it comes down to it, you want a friend you can call when everything seems to be going wrong and you are crying on your bedroom floor. Here are some qualities to look for in good friends:
•They’re loyal.
•You have similar morals.
•You share a similar viewpoint on life—or they have a more positive viewpoint on life than you have.
•They’re good listeners. (You don’t want to be friends with someone who just talks about him- or herself all the time and doesn’t listen to you.)
•They’re compassionate. (They don’t spend a lot of time tearing people down, and they seem to genuinely care about other people’s problems.)
•They put effort into the friendship.
Look for people who can stay up all night talking with you about your deep thoughts and dreams. Do not settle for bad friends just because you don’t want to be alone. Being alone is better than feeling alone because your friends are draining the life out of you!
* * *
Do not settle for bad friends just because you don’t want to be alone.
* * *
Amy
One clue to whether someone is good friend material is how the person makes you feel. Does he or she make you feel trusted, appreciated, good about yourself? Ask yourself: “Do I feel like I have to change my personality around this person? Do I feel anxious, like I might say the wrong thing and my friend will make fun of me? Does this person talk about other people in a rude or degrading way?”
Watch out for people who instantly latch on to you. They are usually gone as fast as they came. It takes time and trust to build a true connection with someone, so take your time! Sometimes we can get caught up in how people view us or think about us, but when we are looking for friends or a relationship, we have the right to focus first on whether we like the person—not just whether she likes us.
* * *
When we are looking for friends or a relationship, we have the right to focus first on whether we like the person—not just whether she likes us.
* * *
Christina
Remember that no one friend can be your everything. Because there are so many types of people in the world, there are also lots of different types of friends you can invite into your life. I do believe it’s great to have a wide variety of friends so you don’t put all the pressure on just one friend to meet all your friendship needs. Some friends I have are incredible to analyze life and really think with. Some are lighthearted and fun, and when we get together, we end up doing more adventurous things. Some are serious and focused on growth and improving their lives and the lives of those around them. These friends really push me to reconsider my life choices and see if I’m on a good path. Think about the different kinds of friends you need, and then you can start finding them!
HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS
Katherine here. I remember one night when Lauren was feeling really upset because she was struggling to make good friends. She had been through some very hurtful friendships, and it was hard for her to trust people, so I wanted her to focus on finding a friend she could truly trust. The truth is, it had to start inside her—and it does with you too. To make good friends, start from the inside out.
BE AUTHENTICALLY YOU
Christina
Opening up to people is one of the scariest but also most necessary things we will do as humans. Over the years, we have built up walls and put on masks. We weren’t born like this, though. As babies and toddlers, we were all young and wild and free. We expressed ourselves and put ourselves out there. (Have you ever noticed how easily little kids make friends?) Sure, naturally some of us were quieter than others and more private or reserved, but we didn’t think that it was something to be ashamed of, or that we needed to change anything about ourselves. No one had told us being ourselves wasn’t okay yet. It didn’t even cross our minds.
But as we get older, we go out into the world and have hurtful experiences. Naturally, we put on a mask and pretend we are someone more “acceptable,” or we put up a shield to block all the pain.
Why do we do this? Maybe the idea of being rejected for who we really are is so painful that we decide we can’t take it. Being rejected while wearing a mask would be less painful, because at least it’s not really who we are. The big problem with all of this? People will be getting to know a person who isn’t authentically you. So really, you’re still strangers. Y
ou’re not being vulnerable or close with people, and you can’t make the kinds of friendships that really stick.
Don’t let this be you. Ask yourself if there are any ways you’re hiding from people, and then ask yourself why. Try to get to the root of it. Write down a list of things you do that you pretend to like, or things you say that are just not your authentic self. Then start to notice what you do in your day-to-day life to try to make people like you or to try to be some other person you know you’re not. Start showing small pieces of yourself to people close to you. As you see them not rejecting you for it, you’ll gain the courage and confidence to open up more.
* * *
Anyone in your life who chooses to reject you when you are being authentic is not someone you need to be friends with.
* * *
And if they do reject you? These are not the people you want as friends. Anyone in your life who chooses to reject you when you are being authentic is not someone you need to be friends with. Keep going, and you will find your people. I promise.
To attract good friends:
•be who you really are
•like what you really like
•discover what your true passions are
•express this to the world, and share it with those you’re close to