Believe in You Read online

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  HOW TO SURVIVE AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN

  Your emotions are not your enemy. But they sure can feel like it sometimes. Whether it’s an emotional storm brought on by stress, a particular event, or just the fact that life is hard, know that you have what it takes to get through to the other side—and you’ll get to know yourself in the process. You can take back control!

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  Your emotions are not your enemy. But they sure can feel like it sometimes.

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  Christina

  I am very experienced in the area of emotional breakdowns. I’m not using that as a medical term, and of course I’m not a doctor. That’s what I call those times when you’re so overwhelmed with negative emotions that you just can’t function normally, like when a car overheats and quits working. I’ve been through periods of my life where they came weekly, and sometimes even daily. The thing about emotional breakdowns is that they generally have the same beginning, middle, and end. They’re pretty predictable. That means you can know what to expect and talk yourself through each phase. Let’s go through them.

  THE BEGINNING

  You can feel it happening. You’re starting to freak out. It’s all piling on at once, and you’re feeling out of control. In this stage, just be aware that you’re starting to have an emotional breakdown and admit it to yourself. You have to do this before you can start to get a game plan together for how you’re going to get through it. See if you can identify what triggered the freak-out, and name how you’re feeling about it.

  THE MIDDLE

  This is the messier part. You might start to feel hopeless. You don’t know when this will end. What I like to do is get it all out: express all the emotions in a journal, to a friend, on a walk listening to dramatic songs, or whatever I need to do. Express it; get it out there—let it be known that you’re struggling. Ask for support. Ask for advice, collect it, but you get to decide if you want to follow that advice. Sometimes I’ve ended up not following advice I asked for, but it was just nice to hear that people care, and they tried!

  Usually during The Middle, you’ll realize you are freaking out about something in one of two categories. With one kind, you’ll have a solid and clear next step. (For instance, “I’m so stressed I have so much homework I can’t do this I’m a failure my life is over” clearly needs to be followed by tackling the homework and finishing all that needs to be done.) But with the other kind of emotional breakdown, you might not be able to pinpoint what it’s about. When you’re agonizing over thoughts like I don’t know if this guy is right for me or Is this the college I should go to? you can’t quite “logic” your way out of it! You make your pro/con list and do your best, but it doesn’t always have a clear and obvious next step to take.

  This is tough, but still fixable. Start with taking things one day at a time and commit to heading in a certain direction for the time being (but not necessarily permanently)—like talking things through with that guy or visiting and interviewing people at the college. Taking action, however small, will help you end your breakdown because you’ll be moving again and progressing in some way.

  This brings me to the main goal of The Middle: create your strategy.

  1.Make a list of what you’re going to do in an attempt to solve your problems, or at least get moving in a certain direction instead of standing still.

  2.Make a separate list of what self-care and positive message–related things you’re going to do for yourself to help power through. These may include:

  •taking a relaxing bath while listening to uplifting music

  •going on a relaxing night walk

  •journaling with candles and soft music playing

  •painting your nails

  •doing a face mask

  •deep cleaning your room and bathroom

  Expressing yourself and making a plan can get your mind on a new, positive track. Then you move on to “The End.”

  THE END

  Now you implement your plan, start moving, and see yourself going somewhere other than where you were stuck before. Your mood will lift because you’ll realize you are in a different place now. You’re a bit more relaxed because you just took care of yourself, and you’re thinking more positively because you took real, intentional actions toward getting to a more positive place.

  It feels great to realize you pulled out of that rough emotional breakdown! You also gained knowledge for the future and confidence in knowing that you can get through rough times. So give yourself some credit! You’ve gotta be your own biggest supporter. You deserve it and need it.

  DEALING WITH ANXIETY

  Anxiety is a feeling often tinged with overwhelming nervousness and fear. While we all feel anxious sometimes, dealing with the condition of anxiety and panic attacks requires special care. Again, we aren’t doctors (and it might be a good idea to see one or talk to your parents if you’re suffering from crippling anxiety), but we want you to know that this is a problem that can be dealt with, and you are not alone!

  Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

  PHILIPPIANS 4:6–7

  Katherine

  I have struggled with anxiety and panic attacks since I was a kid. I have never experienced anything more terrifying than a panic attack—it makes me feel like I am literally about to die. Stomachaches, shaking hands, a pounding heart, and sleepless nights . . . It’s been a lifelong struggle for me, and something I’m still trying to figure out.

  I can usually trace my attacks back to something triggering me and my body responding. This looks like my heart beating fast, my stomach twisting into a knot, and overall this sinking feeling that something dreadful is happening. The scary part is, I don’t even notice it at first. I just have this feeling of, My life is over. I will never be happy again. It all seems so logical and rational to feel this way in the beginning. After I am able to calm down and see more clearly, I can see how my thinking was out of whack and out of touch with reality; but in the moment, darkness and doom seemed inevitable.

  For me, triggers often relate to:

  •a person reacting badly to me and saying something negative, and me feeling like I’m a horrible person

  •a heavy workload piling up and feeling like time is slipping away quickly

  •boys (sigh!)

  •feeling ashamed and out of control about something, like money, the future, or my body

  One of my greatest accomplishments in life has been learning how to sit and breathe through a panic attack. I can now figure out pretty quickly when it is happening, and I usually sit down and start crying to try to help release the pent-up emotion. I’ll cry as hard and as long as I need to—sometimes for hours—and my eyes will get all swollen and puffy. If I’m able to, I’ll start writing down everything I’m thinking and feeling. At first, all feels dark and hopeless, but if I cry out to God and ask for help, the light starts breaking through pretty quickly. God is great!

  I cry out to God Most High, to God who will fulfill his purpose for me.

  PSALM 57:2 NLT

  I have a tendency to totally withdraw and feel paralyzed when I’m experiencing a panic attack, and it feels like reaching out would be impossible. But I would highly encourage you to reach out to a trusted, positive person when you experience moments like this. We shouldn’t have to carry our burdens alone.

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  If you experience anxiety, depression, or anything similar, I highly recommend going to counseling.

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  When I was twenty, I started going to a counselor for my anxiety. My only regret is that I didn’t go sooner. I have had a few different counselors over the years, and I’ve realized that sometimes it takes a few tries to get the right fit. Through counseling I learned so much about myself, and I was able to identify so many negative patt
erns that were causing my anxiety to spiral out of control. If you experience anxiety, depression, or anything similar, I highly recommend going to counseling. It is life changing when you connect with the right counselor. My advice is to give yourself grace and time and take it slow.

  NURTURING THE POSITIVE

  With all the emotional battles you have to go through in life, you’ve got to take care of yourself! It’s not only about getting through the hard times—it’s about savoring the good times too. You are a unique, one-of-a-kind creation, and it isn’t conceited or vain to acknowledge that and take care of the “you” God gave you. It’s true what people say about putting on your own oxygen mask before putting on someone else’s, like in those airplane safety demonstrations. Giving yourself what you need makes you not only a happy, healthy human being but someone who is able to help others too. When it comes to taking care of yourself, there’s so much you can do.

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  You ore on amazing creation, and it isn’t vain or selfish to acknowledge that and take care of the “you” God gave you.

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  NURTURING ACTIVITIES TO TRY

  Lisa

  Every time I get stressed-out, the only thing that makes me feel better without fail is doing something to nurture myself. I think of these things instinctively. Without even trying to, I start craving a warm bath or a new manicure. You won’t believe what a difference little things can make. Here are some things you can do to nurture yourself:

  •Go to the gym or exercise

  •Paint your nails

  •Do a hair mask (even plain coconut oil is great)

  •Write in a journal

  •Call a friend and specifically talk about what’s going on in your mind—conversation can be healing!

  •Stretch

  •Clean your room

  •Clean your bathroom

  •Organize your closet

  •Listen to calming music that expresses whatever is going on inside of you

  •Eat healthy food

  •Write a song or poem about what you’re feeling/thinking

  •Hang out with your pet if you have one (animals can take stress levels down big-time)

  •Sit outside alone and breathe—take in nature

  Katherine

  For a recovering people pleaser like me, it has been extremely hard to learn to prioritize self-care, but once you do, you may be surprised at how much easier it is to love yourself and your body. Here is what has been helpful for me:

  •Take care of your hygiene. I am really big on this! Keeping yourself clean is a very loving thing to do for your body—simple but effective. After a bath I like to mix lotion with coconut oil and put it on slowly. Appreciate your beautiful body and all the amazing things it can do!

  •Drink lots of water every day, and do not sleep in your makeup. Please. For the love of your skin. Wash your face and put on moisturizer before bed. You will thank yourself for it!

  •Light candles and listen to soothing music. I like to pray and meditate with candles during my most stressful moments, and without fail, it always calms me.

  •Give yourself a hug, and whisper kind words to yourself. I know that sounds cheesy, but I promise it works! Sometimes when I’m lying in bed, I’ll close my eyes and repeat positive phrases, such as “I am healthy. I am safe. I am grateful. I am at peace.” It makes me feel so good!

  •Do art projects or color. I like to put on playlists of songs I love and make collages or draw abstract drawings with colored pencils. Use that time to think deeply about life and dream!

  START A GRATITUDE JOURNAL

  In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.

  1 THESSALONIANS 5:18

  Christina

  Gratitude journaling is one of the simplest yet most powerful things you can do to improve your life. It’s hard to imagine that something so easy could have such a huge impact, but I have seen it transform people’s lives—my own included.

  After writing in their gratitude journals daily for several days, many people have experienced a crazy and random kind of “bliss” out of nowhere. They will be going throughout their day and then randomly get really happy for no reason. This is a common side effect of being grateful, and one reason I highly recommend it.

  Not sure how to begin? No worries—I’m going to tell you exactly how you can start to journal your gratitude.

  Start by choosing a notebook or journal. This can be any notebook you have. You can even decorate it and make it fun. It’s also nice to have some good pens, markers, or colored pencils in case you feel like getting creative. There is no right or wrong way to gratitude journal. But I’ve noticed that this way has been very effective for me:

  1.Do not simply write out a random list of things you are grateful for. Instead, write out something along the lines of “I am so very grateful that . . .”

  2.Then write out, “THANK YOU!” a few times until you are really aware that you are grateful for what you’ve written.

  If you’re not sure what to write, think about these categories to get you started:

  •friends

  •relationships

  •family

  •finances

  •school

  •your home

  •health

  •talents

  You don’t have to be in a 100 percent perfect place to have something to be grateful for. You may have major health problems in one part of your body, but maybe you still have two perfectly working legs. You could be very grateful for what you do have!

  Try gratitude journaling for just one week, and really push yourself to feel the gratitude. I think the results will be motivation enough to continue!

  Amy

  Gratitude journaling has made such an impact on my life. I started doing it, and it made my day so much better. You could even do it on your phone or computer.

  When I started gratitude journaling, every morning I would write out five things I was grateful for—five blessings I could see no matter how bad my day was going. These could be as simple as “I am thankful for nail polish,” or as abstract as “I am thankful for love and guidance from You, Lord.”

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  There is always something to be grateful for.

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  Gratitude journaling has shifted my focus to looking for things that I could be grateful for throughout the day. It got me out of the negative mind-set of focusing on only what is wrong with my life. It got me to focus on all the good things I already have! The smallest things can make a big difference. Try it and see what happens. There is always something to be grateful for.

  A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF

  Where do you think you’ll be ten years from now? What do you hope your relationship with yourself will be like? We hope it will be forgiving, loving, nurturing, and full of the peace that comes from taking care of yourself. Things will be hard, no doubt, but we hope you will learn to go easy on yourself, be gentle with yourself, and even laugh at yourself from time to time.

  Sometimes we wish we could go back in time and give ourselves some advice and encouragement—to understand the importance of building a strong, healthy self-relationship. (In fact, at the end of this book, you’ll find some letters we wrote our younger selves with things we wished we’d known about everything we’ll talk about in this book.)

  Remember that everything you’ll face in life is affected by the attitude you have toward yourself. As you read on, we hope you’ll keep reflecting on the fact that you are a beautiful, valuable work in progress—and worth investing in.

  I praise you, because I am wonderfully made; wonderful are your works! My very self you know.

  PSALM 139:14

  JOURNAL

  •Think of a time you tend to get stressed or anxious. What can you do to make a game plan so you can handle what life throws at you?

  •How do you tend to hold yourself to an impossibly high standard? Take a
minute to think about where you got these over-the-top ideas, and write a letter to yourself, giving yourself permission to be YOU instead.

  •Make a commitment to writing in a gratitude journal every day this week, even if it’s just a few things. Then reflect: how did this change your outlook on life?

  PRAY

  God, thank You for making me who You made me to be. Help me enjoy the life You have given me and treat this mind, body, and heart with love and care, today and every day. Thank You for loving me! Please be with me as I learn to love myself, grow through my struggles, and celebrate how uniquely You have made me.

  CHAPTER 2

  SPIRITUALITY

  WHO IS GOD TO YOU?

  Spirituality is an incredibly sensitive, personal topic. Every person, no matter his or her beliefs, at one point has to answer the question, What do you believe in? Even if you don’t have a relationship with God currently, the way you answer that question will define a huge part of your life. A relationship with God isn’t simply “going to church.” It’s so much deeper. We can’t talk about taking care of ourselves without talking about our spirituality, because we’re not just mind and body, but a soul too!

  We are a Catholic family, and we were raised by a mom who is deeply passionate about her faith. She wove Christian teaching into the homeschooling curriculum she designed for us, and from a young age we absorbed Christian values into our core identities. Although we are far from perfect, our faith has been the guiding principle to keep us on track in life.