Believe in You
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© 2019 Christina, Katherine, Lisa, Amy, Lauren, and Danielle Cimorelli
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ISBN 978-1-4002-1928-5 (Signed edition)
Epub Edition August 2019 9781400213030
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Cimorelli, Christina, 1990- author.
Title: Believe in you : big sister stories and advice on living your best life / Christina, Katherine, Lisa, Amy, Lauren, and Danielle Cimorelli.
Description: Nashville : Tommy Nelson, 2019. | Includes bibliographical references.
Identifiers: LCCN 2019027067 (print) | LCCN 2019027068 (ebook) | ISBN 9781400213023 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781400213030 (epub)
Subjects: LCSH: Preteen girls--Conduct of life--Juvenile literature. | Teenage girls--Conduct of life--Juvenile literature.
Classification: LCC BJ1651 .B398 2019 (print) | LCC BJ1651 (ebook) | DDC 248.8/33--dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019027067
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019027068
Printed in the United States of America
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Mfr: LSC / Crawfordsville, Indiana / September 2019 / PO # 9549948
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Please note that the endnotes in this ebook may contain hyperlinks to external websites as part of bibliographic citations. These hyperlinks have not been activated by the publisher, who cannot verify the accuracy of these links beyond the date of publication
CONTENTS
Introduction
1. Your Relationship with You
2. Spirituality
3. Friendship
4. Dating
5. Family
6. Money
7. Your Future
8. Letters to Our Younger Selves
Conclusion: We Believe in You
Notes
Resources
Keep in Touch
INTRODUCTION
WHEN WE STARTED TOURING AND recording as Cimorelli, we had no idea we’d get to have the incredible privilege of meeting so many girls and hear their stories. For every song and video we’ve poured our hearts into and shared with the world, we’ve gotten just as much back from people who’ve poured their hearts out to us. All six of us sisters—Christina, Katherine, Lisa, Amy, Lauren, and Dani—have been touched by the thousands of messages on social media, hundreds of letters pouring into our PO box, and beautiful encounters at meet and greets where we started to hear personal stories from the girls we met everywhere we went.
And these weren’t just inspiring, uplifting stories. They were the real stories of what girls were going through. Intense, heavy things. Stories of body image and self-esteem issues, eating disorders, depression and anxiety, toxic friendships, relationship problems, and broken families. So many personal details from the hardest parts of life as a girl—and things some of us have been through ourselves. All we wanted to do at that point was be there for these girls, to support them and be a group of big sisters to every single person who shared her story with us.
For the longest time we wore ourselves out, replying to as many requests for advice and help as we possibly could. But we got more and more frustrated as the messages and letters continued to pour in and we realized we could not reply to all of them. How could we possibly convey to you how much we believe in you? And how much you deserve to believe in you?
The answer? This book.
One afternoon we sat down and asked each other, “What do people ask us for advice on the most?” The answers gave us the idea for these chapters. We think they cover some of the most important things girls wonder about during teenage years: your relationship with yourself, spirituality, friendship, dating, family, money, and the uncertainty of the future. You’re going to hear our real, raw, unedited take on each and every one of these topics.
As you read these chapters, picture us speaking right to you. We’ve truly poured out our hearts to give our most honest advice and share our stories and struggles without sugarcoating it, but to focus on the positive too. Because as hard as it can be, growing up is also one of the most important experiences we have as humans. It’s not all just struggle and pain (even when it feels like that sometimes)—it’s also fun and exciting as you get older and experience more freedom and self-discovery. There’s so much to get excited for in the years ahead. We can tell you because we’ve gone through those years and come out the other side.
* * *
How could we possibly convey to you how much we believe in you?
* * *
All six of us have unique, very different personalities and experiences. Some of us are shy and introverted, others bubbly and outgoing, some fiery and driven, others peaceful and sensitive. We’re guessing that every girl who reads this will relate to each of us in different ways. We just hope that you will consider us your “big sisters” throughout this book.
Growing up can be difficult, confusing, awkward, and scary, but it’s a lot better when you have someone to go to for advice and some words of encouragement. You need to hear that someone believes in you—and that you’re worth believing in. We firmly believe that about you. So, take this boo
k as a hug and some big-sister assurance that you are not alone in learning some of life’s greatest lessons.
CHAPTER 1
YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU
ONE OF THE GREATEST CHALLENGES of becoming a teenager is learning to love and take care of ourselves—our bodies, hearts, and minds. Because let’s face it: sometimes we feel like a mess, and it’s hard to know what to do about it. We’ve been there, and we want to encourage you that even through your ups and downs, you are worth loving and investing in, getting to know, and taking care of.
We are going to talk a lot in this book about your relationships with others, including your friends, family, and boys, to name a few. But to start with, we want you to know that your relationship with yourself is priceless, because it affects everything about you!
In our family, we sisters have a ten-year age range between us—from nineteen to twenty-nine. The “older generation” among us had a hard time figuring ourselves out growing up because we didn’t really have the role models to guide us through adolescence. We had to figure it out on our own, through trial and error and with limited help from some of the American Girl advice books.
* * *
Even through your ups and downs, you are worth loving and investing in, getting to know, and nourishing.
* * *
As teens, the millennials among us were given all sorts of different messages from articles in Seventeen magazine, reality TV shows, and so on. Then the Gen-Z sisters had to deal with messages from social media influencers, Snapchat articles, and Instagram. No matter where we see them, though, titles like “7 Tips to Have a Great Hookup” and “How to Get a Bikini Body” can be confusing and toxic when we’re still asking ourselves, Who am I, now that I am becoming a woman? A sexual object, like these titles say? Does being “beautiful” and looking “perfect” make me valuable?
And on top of all those questions, there’s the physical stuff. How do we take care of ourselves with all the hormones and changes in our bodies and emotions? It can feel overwhelming. But you don’t have to go through it alone.
So first things first; let’s talk about cultivating a healthy heart, mind, and body so you can approach every day with growing strength and confidence. You can have a good relationship with yourself. It just takes a little bit of perspective and some good habits.
[Be] confident of this, that the one who began a good work in you will continue to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus.
PHILIPPIANS 1:6
DEALING WITH THE NEGATIVE
There are so many messages out there trying to tell us who we should be and what we should want for ourselves. How do we figure out what standards are right for us and which ones are just over the top?
Lauren
It’s really easy to put these impossible standards on yourself. For instance, “My makeup has to be perfect. My outfits have to be perfect. My hair has to be perfect. I have to be perfectly in shape. I need to get perfect grades, make fun and cool friends, and have perfect, fun, and exciting conversations with them all the time. I need to get a perfect boy, who thinks I’m perfect.”
The list goes on. But when it comes down to it, the only person who can choose your standards is you—so give yourself a break. The truth is, if you try to measure yourself against the world’s standards, you’ll never measure up, because they’re not humanly attainable. You’ll spend your whole life never feeling good enough. You don’t have to choose that for yourself; you can allow yourself to make mistakes. Stop judging yourself all the time, and start being compassionate with yourself! Treat yourself the way you would treat a friend.
* * *
When it comes down to it, the only person who can choose your standards is you—so give yourself a break.
* * *
I have always naturally been a perfectionist, and I’ve always had extremely high standards for myself. I want to do my very best in every situation, and I want people to accept me and receive me well 100 percent of the time, but I’ve learned that sometimes that’s just not gonna happen. Especially if you do something that puts you in front of people.
Like with my outfits, for example. I always liked putting crazy things together, but as I got older, I started to compare myself to all these super-trendy girls I saw on Instagram, and I felt like I wasn’t good enough because I didn’t look as cool as I thought they looked. And as I started getting more popular on YouTube, a few people made some really critical comments about my outfit choices. It made me feel like I wasn’t up to the standard of the “perfect” girl I’d always wanted to be. I started trying to wear simpler clothes, and I got down on myself. I lost the artistic joy I had always had in putting together outfits. Instead, I was just dressing for other people.
* * *
I would rather stay true to who I am and what feels authentic to me than look cool and trendy.
* * *
After a while, I realized I was playing this demoralizing game of comparison and perfectionism. And I didn’t wanna play it anymore. When you’re being yourself, you’re never gonna reach crazy-high standards of perfection, because they are not human! They don’t leave room for personality and art and color. I would rather stay true to who I am and what feels authentic to me than look cool and trendy.
DEALING WITH STRESS
What even is stress? We know it when we feel it, but when we don’t know where it’s coming from, we can easily let it snowball into a dramatic situation. Part of taking care of ourselves is learning to read our own feelings and respond in a healthy way to what they are telling us.
Katherine
I know this may sound unbelievable in the moment you’re dealing with stress, but stress comes from a negative mind-set. For me, stress is all about living in the future—panicking that there is too much to do and you will never be able to get it done, and then your world will end. Let me tell you—that’s not true! I promise, you can deal with this! You’ve got to take a step back and look at the big picture.
When I was dealing with a project that was completely stressing me out, one of our friends said to me, “You are going to get it done either way—stressed or relaxed—so why not just get it done without being stressed?” I know: way easier said than done, but good to keep in mind.
When I feel overwhelmed, making a to-do list always makes me feel better. Sometimes, the worst part is simply this foreboding feeling that you’re not sure what needs to get done, but you know it’s a lot. It’s that Terror of Not Knowing. But sometimes when you write it down, you’ll realize it’s not as much as you thought it would be. Break things down into baby steps—the smaller the better. And please reward yourself with something special when you’re done!
KATHERINE’S TO-DO LIST
SATURDAY, MARCH 2
•Laundry: wash, dry, fold, and put away
•Make grocery list (get ideas from Pinterest for 1–2 new meals)
•Get groceries
•Prep meals for week
•Take some time to relax! Read, write, or color. Do NOT get on phone for at least 1–2 hours!
•Call Sarah after lunch
•Exercise for 30 minutes. Walk? (Check weather)
•Plan out budget for the month
Lauren
Everyone gets stressed and anxious, and it can really mess with your life. But no matter how bad it is, don’t let stress and anxiety stop you from doing things you want and need to do! Just take it one thing at a time. Do what you need to do right now, and then when you’re done with that, do the next thing. Making a list is a great idea; and I’d add prioritizing that list so you can do the most important things first. Let go of trying to get everything done all the time. ’Cause sometimes you just can’t. And that’s okay!
If you’re stressed about the future, try talking rationally to yourself. “What is the worst thing that could happen?” You probably won’t die, so calm down and let yourself live!
Lisa
If you know you’re in a stressful place, tr
y hanging up some affirming messages on your bathroom wall so you have a daily reminder that life really isn’t as hard as you feel like it is. Everything is going to be okay—eventually.
Just think: in ten years, what you’re stressing about right now probably won’t matter. Do you really think that when you’re twenty-seven and living your life, you’ll be thinking about the paper you got a B on ten years ago? No, you won’t, ’cause that’s stupid. I’d say 99 percent of the stuff we worry about is not that life changing or important in the grand scheme of things.
And as for things that are life changing and important, stressing about them still isn’t going to help you make a good decision. Remember that even this difficult time period won’t last forever. When my sisters and I were deciding whether to leave our record deal behind and start over in a brand-new state, I felt paralyzed. The thought of leaving all my friends behind, leaving my state behind, leaving the security of our jobs, and taking on all the responsibility of our livelihood was terrifying. But our parents raised us to be risk-takers and to believe in the possibility of our future. We knew we could handle it even though it was really scary. We took the plunge and pushed forward, and I’m happy to say it was quite possibly the best decision we ever made. So hang in there. Don’t let fear take over. God has a plan for all of us that we can’t always see, but if we keep walking forward and ask for guidance with every step, we will not be left to figure it out alone.
* * *
Just think: in ten years, what you’re stressing about right now probably won’t matter.